Well, it’ll be closer to 5am once I post this I guess.

So. It’s 4.40am, Max has just had some milk, and I have yet to get any sleep.

Why? Cause I’ve actually been reading! I had forgotten how much I enjoy a good book. Maybe too much though since instead of going to sleep at a reasonable hour I stayed up to read, and ended up not being able to put it down till it was finished. Damn books… how dare they be so intriguing and fast paced!

The cat is currently going mental scurrying up and down the hallway, the Maxinator is squealing and gurgling to himself in his cot, getting quite a conversation going by the sound of it! The Toddler is fast asleep… for now… and the Husband is snoring quietly in bed and has been for the best part of, oh… 3 hours?

At least everyone seems to be peaceful, and I’m not actually complaining here - I’m not tired in the slightest. Not a clue how that worked, but I’m not! It’s getting light out, the birds are waking up, the cat’s trying to climb up the back of my chair, and I’m wide awake as if it were mid-afternoon or something. Of course in 3 hours when the day begins I’m gonna be shattered and asking J to get up with the boys, but still, for now it’s pretty peaceful. So for now at least, I’ve managed to get a little time for me. Even though it does mean feeling rubbish tomorrow and my sleeping patterns being a little funky… at least I had some time.

Ok… time for some sleep. I hope! I will edit in the title of the book once I can do that without worrying about waking up J in the process!

Night all. Or should I say good morning? There’s something for me to ponder as I go to get some sleep!

I do sooo much moaning on this blog I figured maybe it was time to count some blessings, so here’s a list of things I’m thankful for. Not sure who, if anyone, I’m thankful to, but I’m thankful nonetheless

• I am healthy and so are my family.
• I have two beautiful boys who love me no matter what. Lets face it - NOTHING beats the adoration in their eyes when they look at me or J, or even better… each other!
• Although both pregnancies had their fair share of (pretty big) problems, both births were (eventually!) very straightforward and I had no major problems recovering.
• I have met some great friends from blogging … !
• …and I’ve found a love of photography that I never even knew I had!
• Max has slept through for the last 2 nights! (I wonder if he’ll make it a hat trick?)
• Zack and I had lots of fun making faces at each other this evening.
• Max has started eating a little better, although it did result in a big poo earlier which he was not happy at doing(!).
• Zack has been given a nursery place! Starting on August 21st he will be going every morning from 9am-11.30am to have some fun in an awesome nursery just a 5 minute walk from our house

Ok, that’s all I can think of for now cause the lil fella woke for his milk! Nighty night everyone and thank you so much for the questions, I’ll write them up for sometime next week, and feel free to keep em coming!

…just write down all the random crap that comes to your head!

• When the health visitor came to see us last week she said that Max was having too much of the stage 3 milk he was on… so we thought, since he was always wanting milk, that we’d get him back on the stage 2 stuff (which he’s had before), in the hopes that he’d not taste any different.
• Ahahahahahahaha.  He’s now been crying for 25 minutes cause he’s hungry, and tired, but wants milk, but NOT the only milk in the house we have to give him - the stage 2 stuff.  To top it off, J has gone for a drink with a friend, so luck me - I get to deal with this all on my own… yay!
• Also, next door’s 3.5yr old keeps knockin on the door to ask for Zack to come and play - how cute! Except he keeps asking this when it’s almost time for Zack to be getting ready for bed… if only he’d come round a lil earlier to ask!
• I keep drooling over macro lenses… not that I can get one anytime soon, but still… *drools.
• I’ve been playing wow a lot in the evenings.  If J’s gonna play it then why shouldn’t I eh?!
• It’s been pretty wet and miserable here for the past few days - a right pain in the butt when I want to get Zack out more to use up some energy! Oh well, ‘good for the garden’ and all that…
• Speaking of which - oh my word our grass *really* needs to be cut - I think I’d lose Max in there if he could crawl!! Unfortunately we managed to mow through the cable for the lawnmower last year.  Tried re-wiring it to find that it actually cut through the end closest to the mower, leaving no cord left… so that’s something we need to go buy before actually attempting to cut the grass.
• Max is still crying for milk, although he will just cry cause it’s not the milk he usually has, so I’m just having to leave him to whinge Hate doing that… maybe I’ll put on some music to drown it out? No? Oh… I’ve got to be able to hear him.. right. Damn.
• I’ve not been loading up Twhirl the past few days - I missed twitter though so I’ll try to remember to put it on again!
• Ok I suppose I really should try to get him to sleep huh? *goes to see if he’s hungry again*
• *back!* So he turned up his nose to the milk… don’t actually think he’s that hungry, he had a full bottle only 2 hours ago. Grumpy wee soul is wide awake though - grr!
• And did I mention that Zack needs put back in bed at least 4 times an evening before he’ll go to sleep? That’s LOTS of fun, let me tell you! (Please note the sarcasm).
• Really am going now…
• NOW!
• Oh, right… you’re talking to me…
• *waves* buh bye everyone!

1. The independence from my parents.
2. The opportunity to live with other girls - something I’d never experienced as an only child!
3. How diverse the community I lived in was. I have lived with other Scots, people from Barbados, China, Japan, Australia, Holland, Dubai, Saudi, South Africa, Ireland; people of very different backgrounds… I’ve even lived with a princess!!
4. Having so many friends close by!
5. There was a pool we could use in the mornings
6. Having a set ‘prep’ time of 2 hours every weekday evening when we had to sit at our desks to study. I really needed that, otherwise I would never have got the grades I did! How do I know this? When I went to uni it all went down hill >_<
7. MSN! I discovered the internet while I was a boarder - if I’d stayed at home we’d have been without internet till I was almost at uni.
8. There was a gym we could use in the evenings after prep.
9. The food wasn’t *too* bad.
10. School was right across the road from us - although I was frequently late to registration… whoops!
11. I got to stay at friends more often to go to parties because it was the only way I could go to them at all!
12. Work hard play hard works well, but when it’s not forced it’s even better!
13. It meant that when I did go to uni I was used to being away from home so wasn’t homesick at all!

I could just as easily write a 13 things I disliked about boarding school (the packed lunches… YUCK!!), but I suppose, like most people, I’ve kinda glossed over the bits I didn’t like. All in all being a boarding pupil rocked! I would definitely recommend it to any family who can’t get adequate schooling in their own area. Mind you… every school is different, as is every person who goes there!

I get so paranoid about the boys, specifically about Max at night. Whenever he sleeps well (i.e. when I’m not woken by his crying in the morning) I can’t seem to shake the overwhelming urge to check that he’s still breathing. I’m paranoid about cot death.

Realistically I know that he’ll be fine and is most likely past the possibility of leaving us through cot death, but I still worry about it. I did with Zack too, but no where near as much as I do this time around. I’ll have visions of me having to tell people, like the neighbours, my friends, family obviously, and how on earth would I break such a thing to my bloggy friends?

It doesn’t matter how much I try to talk myself out of it, knowing full well that he’ll wake up soon and I’ll wish I could have just slept instead of worrying about him, I just cannot shake the whole idea.

I know I’m not the only one… I’m sure most of us worry about these things don’t we? It scares me to think how easily I could lose one of my little ones through something I couldn’t possibly foresee, something that I couldn’t do anything to prevent.

I should be happy that I am so lucky to have my two boys. Both happy, both healthy and both fun to be with (most of the time!), but instead I find myself worrying about them all too much. There are so many things that could still hurt them, or take them away from me, and it scares me. The thought of my little ones not being here with me, not watching them grow up - or worse, see them grow up to then have them taken away, still too young though…

I guess I just have to keep putting these thoughts to the back of my mind and enjoy the time I have with them, because let’s face it… we never know when our time is up.