When you’ve made the hugely life-changing decision to have a child, it’s a huge thing. It’s the one way you and your partner can show everyone that yes, you really DO want to stick with this person for the rest of your life. In my opinion this is an MUCH larger gesture of commitment than marriage will ever be. You’re going to have this person, together, to be responsible for, for the rest of your life. To be forever bound to each other because you have a child together.

Once you’ve had one kid though, having another is more about practicalities. You’ve already shown the world your devotion to each other, this time when you chose to have a child it’s more things like “we want X to had a sibling close in age”, or “we should wait another year until we can afford a bigger house/car” that help you along in making that decision to actually go ahead and try for another one.

Most people (including me - yes, I was that naive) think that once you’ve had one, how hard can it be to have another? You already know the ins and outs of having a baby, you’ll be so much more relaxed this time around because you know that changing nappies isn’t the end of the world, you’ve done the feeding, the night-feeds, the cleaning up puke, and you know just how much fun the smiles, laughs, rolling over and learning to communicate are – that’s why you want another one right? Plus your first child might be getting to that really independent stage and you just really want another little baby to hold close and need you.

The thing is, I’ve noticed there’s a huge amount of information out there all catered for the first-time mum, but not so much for those of us who are doing it the second time around. We’re supposed to know it all already, and we do know a lot of it, but what’s lacking is the advice on how to live life with a baby AND a toddler, you know… at the same time. That’s the clincher, the part that makes becoming a mother of two so much more difficult than we’d ever imagine until it’s done.

Think about it. Your older child needs his lunch; your baby decides it’s time to be fed too. So you have a screaming hungry baby and a tantruming hungry toddler stamping about to deal with while you make his lunch, get the bottle ready for the (screaming) baby and try not to lose your head at both of them at the same time. Easy? Yeah, when you’ve had a decent night’s sleep maybe… then again, maybe not.

The one thing that terrified me about becoming a mum of two was the thought of my first baby feeling left out. I was worried that I’d end up resenting either the baby for not being able to spend any time with Zack, or Zack for wanting my attention all the time and just never giving me a moments peace when I needed it most. I was worried that Zack would feel left out, that we’d lose the bond that we had and he’d be fiercely jealous of his new little brother - the competition. How would I handle the constant feeling of being needed in two places at once?

Well those first 3 months have passed now. I can’t say it was easy, in fact it was anything but… but we got through it. Yes I have had many, many, times of feeling completely overwhelmed in a what-on-earth-have-I-got-myself-into sort of way. Yes I have shouted at both of them when I’d just had too little sleep and there was too much crying going on. I felt like I was being a horrible mum, like I couldn’t possibly do this for the foreseeable future - there was no way I could cope. This last one I’m finally starting to realise isn’t true. I CAN cope - I AM coping, pretty damn well too I think!

I still have those what-the-hell-have-I-done moments (a lot) but I am also starting to get a bit more sleep, Zack is now completely used to having Max around and knows that sometimes he just has to wait (although that still means tantrums – what toddler doesn’t when they don’t get their own! way! right! now!), and Max is interacting more and becoming a little person rather than a newborn who just eats, sleeps, poops and cries. Life is hectic and I don’t get anywhere near as much time to myself anymore (I still manage to blog, though!), but I am very glad we made the decision to have another baby. I think we will most likely be stopping at two now though!

So I thought I’d try to write a list of advice that might help anyone out there who’s thinking of, or is trying for, baby number two.

1. Cut as many corners as you can in those last couple of months of pregnancy and the first few months of your new baby’s life, your sanity will thank you if it ever finds it’s way back to you.
2. Housework CAN be put to the backburner! So long as you vacuum every few days (get the hubby to do that btw… mum is still recovering from the birth!), have enough clean plates to use and clothes to wear, you can leave everything else for the other half to help with (if they’ll help at all… otherwise just leave it )
3. TV can be a good babysitter when you need to feed/change/rock to sleep the baby.
4. It’s ok to just burst into tears in front of the kids – sometimes it’s just what they need to realise that mummy needs a hug to make her remember it’s worth it.
5. Partners should be helping out as much as possible, even if they are at work all day while you are at home. You BOTH decided to have these kids; it’s BOTH parents’ job to look after their children – NO fobbing off!

Now I know there are a TON of other things that I won’t have thought about, or have just forgotten… so please, if you’re reading this and thinking “what about xyz?” then let me know in the comments, I’d love to know what other 2nd time mums have wished they knew before they had another one!

I hope this will have been of some use to those on their way to becoming a second time mum, and also strike a chord with those who have already been there.

Happy Tuesday people
The migraine’s gone btw… can you tell?

WARNING: THIS IS A RANT! If you think you may be offended, leave now!

I do the huge majority of Max’s night feeds in our house.  If I’m lucky I can usually persuade J to do one at the weekend.  Now normally I don’t mind this - after all he’s going out 5 days a week doing a job he really isn’t that keen on (although it is a desk job so not physically tiring in the slightest) to bring in the money etc, he’s up earlier to get to work, and *at the moment* the boys seem to have taken to sleeping til about 9am which is amazing, although I doubt it’ll last.

Thing is… the very IDEA that he do the night feeds on the friday AND the saturday night and apparently I’m being unfair.  I don’t think that’s right as he is getting 6 nights a week of proper un-interrupted sleep (i have to thump him awake when he does do the night feed cause he sleeps thru the crying) while I’m living off about 4-5 hours of very broken sleep that whole time and having to run around after a toddler each day, keep up with the housework, and tidy up after said toddler, baby and husband. and to top it all when he actually does the night feed he needs a lie in and a nap to ‘catch up’.  see where I’m going with this??

do you think i should stick to my guns and ask him to do the fri and sat night feeds on a regular basis? or am I being unfair?  please don’t be too mean in your comment if ya think I’m being unfair or I’ll cry!

• I love my boys with all my heart and will always to my best to make sure they are safe and happy, in that order
• If Zack wants my attention he gets it - even if it means I have to stop what I’m doing in the middle of writing a great post, or whatever. The same goes for Max obviously!
• Zack knows his manners - already I rarely have to prompt him to say please or thanks - something not enough parents I know do from an early age! I’ll be making sure that Max grows up with these ‘built in’ manners too. This includes me saying please and thanks to them too.
• I can spend hours playing with Zack and never get bored Unfortunately other things such as housework get in the way of this *sigh*
• I do try not to be sat at the pc for too long once the boys are awake - for eg at the moment they are both down for a nap.
• I spoil them with my attention and love rather than too many ‘things’ - lets face it, kids love spending time with their parents more than anything else don’t they!
• When I do shout at them, I always apologise afterwards and give them cuddles.
• and last but not least, because everybody says so!

I think the main thing that makes me a great mum is that I feel comfortable and confident about what I’m doing. I feel like when I had Zack a light was switched on and someone said “this is what you’re supposed to do, this is your calling”.

I love being a mum, I wouldn’t have it any other way! I feel so SO lucky that I’m able to stay at home and watch my beautiful boys grow up, seeing a new thing every day and being able to be there for them when they need me, and also when they don’t!

I’m loving watching Zack grow up - he’s not a baby anymore, he’s my big boy and he is becoming so independent now. I miss that he doesn’t need me so much, but now comes all the times that he wants me instead - all those cuddles and kisses and asking “Mummy can we snuggle in the bed?” - with that cute lil face, how can I resist?

I am really enjoying being mum to a newborn so much more 2nd time around. I wasn’t hugely nervous or worried about anything with Zack when he was new, but everything was a first time scary new thing to do. This time I’ve been completely relaxed about it all. Changing nappies? No problem! Sicky baby? Yeah well, that’s what they do! Crying for no particular? See last answer. Max may not get as much attention as Zack did when he was little, but he gets a (usually) chilled mummy, and a big brother to watch being completely mental!

Ooh what a gushy post this has turned into!

In closing - I ROCK!

• I have fed both my sons with formula milk from the get-go… ok I tried breastfeeding with Zack but he wouldn’t latch - it turned out he was tongue-tied. Max… was born with a tooth. Nuff said.
• I have shouted at both as babies to shut up when they just wouldn’t stop crying all. day. long.
• I fed Zack food from a jar. A lot. I will probably do the same with Max, but not likely as much as I did first time around.
• I have been known to smack Zack very occasionally for things like trying to electrocute himself with the plug sockets, or running out into the road. I will do the same with Max.
• We watch too much TV.
• Zack has a gameboy and plays it every day. He also likes me to take pictures of him with it… wierd kid!
• They both have dummies. Both only use them as a bedtime comforter. If it calms them I don’t see the problem!
• I spend a bit too much time infront of the PC instead of with my boys, like now for eg. A girl needs some time out ya know?
• Zack sometimes gets food that is made in our oven. It’s not the most nutritious but it fills him up. Oh, and he loves tomato ketchup!
• He also loves chocolate (although to combat this he does also seem to love broccoli!).
• we have periods when we don’t leave the house for 2-3 days at a time.

I do all these things that some would shrink back with horror at, but you know what? My sons are happy, they are healthy, and Zack at least is way ahead of the game when compared to most toddlers his age. Max so far seems to be following suit too.

I may be a ‘bad mother’ for doing these things, and probably a ton of other things that I can’t think of atm, but as far as I’m concerned, I’m doing a damn good job of raising my kids and there’s nothing you can say that will make me think otherwise!

Stay tuned for reasons that I’m a good mother, coming soon!