A Little Space for Me

So last week I posted my 13 things I loved about boarding school, and I thought I’d better take off the sugar coating for this week and reveal the things I didn’t like so much…

1. Being away from my parents was hard. VERY hard. I’ve always been so close to my mum so being away from her was very difficult for me.
2. The cafeteria food… ICK!!!
3. Having to get letters from my parents AND a friend’s parent for the Housemistress if I wanted to stay at said friend’s house.
4. Couldn’t just go out in the evenings for a drink once I was 18. Fair enough when I was underage, but I mean come on, I wasn’t even allowed out to celebrate my 18th birthday with any friends because it was a frickin school night! [They did have a lil party for me and even bought in some cheap champagne so I really shouldn't complain, but it just wasn't what I wanted to do at the time!]
5. Being forced to go to church every week even though I have never been remotely religious.
6. Sometimes there was just too much going on at once for my liking!
7. Packed lunches (can I get a EWWWWW!)
8. Racing for a shower in the morning. (4 showers between 22 girls = not fun!)
9. Having to live with someone who was a thief among other things. Not fun when I had to deal with her being the head of house in my last year!
10. There were a lot of cliques in the first school I went to because they’d all been together since they were about 11 years old. That was pretty difficult to break into, and I was only just starting to when they announced the school’s impending closure (just 3 months before it was to happen).
11. I never got used to taking care of myself or helping out around the house when I was away - everything was done for us. That was kinda difficult… going to uni having no idea how to cook any proper meals etc, how to use a washing machine. It sounds so stupid but I didn’t have a clue!
12. Having to watch what I said ALL the time in case the younger ones overheard.
13. Not having any real privacy.

A year ago today was my Uncle Bill’s 97th birthday. He’d been unwell for a very long time, and had been bedridden in a home for over a year. The next day, the 4th, he passed away peacefully in his sleep. This is a little tribute to my dear Great Uncle Bill.

Although we first met when I was around 2, my first memory of you is from our first trip “down south” to visit you and your wonderful wife, Betty, in 1994. I was 10 years old and sure that it would just be a boring trip with my parents to see some old relatives. I couldn’t have been more wrong!

You and Betty were more fun and entertaining than I ever would have thought before we met. You told me about stories of when the two of you met in Africa, and of your travels all over the world. You always seemed to know what sort of tales to tell me to capture my attention, and had numerous keep-sakes from these wonderful places to show me and sometimes, if I was very lucky, you would give me one or two as gifts to take home with me. I still treasure these and I always will.

I couldn’t believe how quickly I loved you both so much, but I think I know why. The one thing that stood out above everything else was the way you valued MY opinions. You not only wanted to tell me about your lives and lessons, you wanted to hear about my life, my interests and my views on the world. I had never really had that from family other than my parents, and I grew tremendously as a person because of your enthusiasm for me.

Betty was such a gentle, kind natured soul. Oh and her laughter was infectious! I can still hear her giggling away and smiling at me as if it were yesterday. I wish it was yesterday. She passed away what will be 8 years ago this summer. R.I.P my lovely and loving Aunt Betty xx

Bill, well… you were one of those people who I couldn’t help but sit up straighter for, I wanted want to do well for. You were the person that would always make me think “oh I’d better not do that, what would Bill think??” when I was a teenager. You always had such a twinkle in your eye when you spoke, and oh the discussions we would have! The first conversation you had with J was about your thoughts on devolution in Scotland. That threw J for six, but he still managed a decent conversation on it, lol!

I can’t even put into words how I feel about you both. You have shaped who I am and who I aspire to be in so many ways. I love you both so much and hope that I do you proud. Not a day goes by that I don’t think fondly of you.

Rest in peace Bill xxx

Bill, my cousin Tom, and me in 1985.

Ahh back in the day, when I was a student, I lived for the weekend. I loved going out to dance the night away. I was never one to drink much, but I was quite a social butterfly back then! I was one of those people who could walk into our student union and see at least 2 or three groups of people who I could happily party away the night with.

I loved going out and being social, meeting new people, having a laugh - all the things that a new student should do (and yes I studied as well!). If my student funds had allowed me I’d have gone out dancing every night of the week, although that would have been a bit detrimental to my studies I think…

Cut to now, and I very rarely get ‘out’ properly, most of my friends have now moved away as they were only here for uni, and the few people I still see semi-regularly either have kids of their own now and don’t get out themselves, or are sick of the partying that we used to love so much.

Tonight for example… I’ve been invited out to a friend’s birthday night out. Going for a meal and then out for drinks and probably a club afterwards. Back in the day I’d have loved the thought of going out, meeting new people etc, but now… now I feel anxious that I won’t have anything to talk to these people about - they’re all students and with not much (if any) grasp on the whole ‘real life’ thing. Not to mention that I just have no confidence with myself when I’m in the pubs and clubs these days - the thought of it makes me want to just hide in the shadows! A far cry from how I was just 3/4 years ago.

I really miss the all-out confidence I had in myself back then, but I’ve been away from the ’scene’ for so long now that I just feel completely out of place in what were some of my favourite haunts, no matter how many drinks I knock back to try to forget the feeling!

So what will I do about tomorrow night? I think I’ll go to the meal and then head home afterwards… it’d be too long a night otherwise when I’ll have been up all day with the boys. Plus that way it won’t break the bank just before Christmas!

I know once I’m there I’ll be fine, I just always seem to have that pit-of-my-stomach feeling before going to these things…