Well, J’s officially resigned from his job. It was either that or have them file for ‘retirement through ill-health’ for him, so it’s better this way.

He seems to be coping better, seems more himself - not as gloomy, or at least not all of the time now. He’s had a few half-assed attempted at looking for jobs, even got a couple of job applications, and has applied for one.

Sorry, but you’ve been off for 7 freaking months and in that time you’ve only just managed to apply for ONE FREAKING JOB???

*calms down*

I know, I know. You’re depressed. You’re anxious. Well you know what SO AM I. I was diagnosed before you and had to pull together for all this shit you threw at me, and I have. I have really, REALLY tried. You always say ’something will come up’, and ‘things can only get better’ right? Well that’s what I’ve been telling myself too.

I’ve been telling myself that for the past 7 months. Watching as you close yourself off from everyone and everything. While you’ve just lay on the sofa curled up in a ball feeling shit. I understand. Really, I do, but… and I know this is gonna sound so damn horrible… where the hell was my time to curl up on the sofa feeling sorry for myself? Where was MY time to be able to go away for a week at a time “just to get away from it all” hmm? Where the fuck was that? Oh… right, I got 2 freakin days. I just had to get the fuck on with it even though I didn’t want to be near my own children. Even though I felt like calling social services and telling them to take away our baby cause I thought I’d do something god-awful to them if they didn’t. Even though I wanted the whole damn world to swallow me up, to just fucking end it, I didn’t. You know why? Cause SOMEONE’S got to look after the kids. Cause SOMEONE’S got to act like a fucking adult around here, instead of playing video games all the time and getting pissy when his son want’s to do the same. Cause SOMEONE has to be able to keep some stability for our family, even when it’s all going to hell.

Well, that’s how it was 7 months ago. Wanna know how it is today?

He’s not lying on the sofa feeling sorry for himself anymore, and he’s not immersing himself in video games to forget everything going on around him.

I am.

I have become something I can’t stand, someone I wouldn’t want to live with, someone I would get pissed off with for not doing their fair share. And you know what makes it even worse? He hasn’t complained. Not even once.

Just some random bits and pieces of mind-dumping going on today…

I’ve blogged on the other side - my gaming blog, cause I’ve been having fun with the game and some new friends - yay for the internet and new friends!

(No you don’t have to read it, I know it’ll make no sense whatsoever!

Rocky’s still settled, making himself right at home by sitting on my keyboard and such, luckily I have a big desk so I can push him to the side and he still gets to stay up here.

This was Day Five of Operation Potty Training and we didn’t have any accidents - YAY! Although he didn’t go for a poo  at all, but then he seems to be a little off at the moment, tired and wanting to nap a lot. I’m thinking it’s growth spurt time cause he’s been fitting in the clothes he has for a long time now, a stretch is definitely due soon! That plus he’s been much more active with Rocky about - they’ve been chasing each other up and down the hallway - ohsocute!

I think I’ve decided on what we’re going to do for Zack’s birthday next month. I was wondering about whether to give him a lil party with some of his wee friends from our close, but I figure why not wait till he’s old enough to actually WANT that eh? So instead we’re going to take him to the bowling alley. We took him once before at the end of April and he’s been asking to go back ever since, bless him! Less fuss, he’ll have great fun and be tired out, and Max was pretty happy then too.

Tomorrow we’ll go to the supermarket to get some groceries. I had been doing it online mostly but it’s a good way to get ALL of us out of the house for a while, a hassle in some ways ( trust me when I say you DON’T want to go food shopping with Zack… EVER!), but at the same time sometimes it’s just what J or I need to get us going again. Lethargy seems to be all around us at the moment… *sigh*.

I’m heading over to my parents on Sunday as it’s Father’s day. Gives J a chance to ‘bond’ with the boys on his own for a day… lmfao! It’ll be nice to see my own daddy on father’s day, it’s been quite a few years since we spent it together! That’s the only thing we’ve got planned, I just can’t believe it’s almost the weekend again already - where does it GO??

This is Gizmo. Hopefully he’s going to be our new family member… we just need to get the OK from a ‘home visit’ that the Cat’s Protection do before allowing any cat home with you. Isn’t he just gorgeous!

He was more than happy to be picked up, was playful but gentle and generally just a lil sook! Don’t you just LOVE the fluffy/fuzzy tail!?

I’m not so sure if we’ll keep the name or change it, he’s only 9 months old so it wouldn’t be difficult to get him used to another name. Any suggestions? Something I wouldn’t mind calling out if needed…

To my mum and dad: Please just be happy for me ok? I know you won’t like the idea of us getting a cat, but we do! Love you both very very very much! xxxxxxxxx

Don’t feel well… I was in bed fast asleep by 9pm last night cause I just wasn’t feeling right. Not a cold, or stomach bug or anything, the closest I can come to describing it is similar to the SPD pain I used to get, but more of a dull ache rather than excruciating pain. Still feel a bit icky, so here’s a filler…

I keep thinking about taking a proper ‘break’ from the blog, but I just can’t tear myself away from putting up something, even a filler, every day. I’m almost a full 5 months through Blog365 - it’d be stupid to ruin it now,right? Right??

My parents were over today. My mum had to go to our local (read uber) hospital to have some tests etc carried out before going in for an operation next week, so they decided to pop over before hand, and my dad came back over while mum was in.

So basically I’ve not had any time to write a post cause I’ve been entertaining.

(can anyone say “LAME EXCUSE!!”)

Here’s a lil pic of Zack and J having some artistic differences to fill up some space, and to show off of course