I have been shamelessly ignoring the blog the past few days. My excuse? I’ve been spending most of the time with Zack and Max in the garden!

Here’s my favourite shot from yesterday to prove it!

Once a small, tiny
bundle, all you did was sleep
eat and cry - a lot.

Not so anymore!
Ok, so you still sleep, and
eat, and cry, a lot…

but where there was just
“a newborn”, now there’s a boy
who smiles, and giggles.

A little dude who’s
personality is oh
so different.

Different from your
brother. He was born blonde,
you were born so dark.

To say that is how
different you are today
puts it mildly!

The curls - OH those curls!
We’ve taken to calling you
Curly Top - it fits.

You’re such a grumpy
lil man. If you’re not happy
then my goodness

you let everyone
know!! Screams and squeals and shrieking
are your favourites!

Happy nine months my
cute lil guy! Time passes so
quickly. Gone too soon.

Ok, I warn you. At the bottom of this post will be a pic of me that may scare you. I have no makeup on, it’s the end of the day, and my arm is sore. The bruise I’m showing off is small, but it was fully visible about 5 seconds after I slammed my arm into the door handle while trying to get the cat out of our room. Damn cat. Damn door.

Did I mention I usually sleep on my right hand side? So now I can’t. Cause the lil bugger of a bruise has actually made the majority of that side of my arm sore. Like seriously - f*cking SORE.

So to keep myself busy and to try not to think of the pain, I took to the blog and tweaked it a little.

Enjoy the pinkness!

Oh, that photo? Right, heh, I almost forgot.

Yeah, circles under eyes, and shit hair that needs a wash. Don’t even mention the rubbish all around the tv n stuff… really, just don’t go there.

Time for the grumpy me to get to bed and try and sleep on the wrong side again. Grrrrrr.

Well, it’ll be closer to 5am once I post this I guess.

So. It’s 4.40am, Max has just had some milk, and I have yet to get any sleep.

Why? Cause I’ve actually been reading! I had forgotten how much I enjoy a good book. Maybe too much though since instead of going to sleep at a reasonable hour I stayed up to read, and ended up not being able to put it down till it was finished. Damn books… how dare they be so intriguing and fast paced!

The cat is currently going mental scurrying up and down the hallway, the Maxinator is squealing and gurgling to himself in his cot, getting quite a conversation going by the sound of it! The Toddler is fast asleep… for now… and the Husband is snoring quietly in bed and has been for the best part of, oh… 3 hours?

At least everyone seems to be peaceful, and I’m not actually complaining here - I’m not tired in the slightest. Not a clue how that worked, but I’m not! It’s getting light out, the birds are waking up, the cat’s trying to climb up the back of my chair, and I’m wide awake as if it were mid-afternoon or something. Of course in 3 hours when the day begins I’m gonna be shattered and asking J to get up with the boys, but still, for now it’s pretty peaceful. So for now at least, I’ve managed to get a little time for me. Even though it does mean feeling rubbish tomorrow and my sleeping patterns being a little funky… at least I had some time.

Ok… time for some sleep. I hope! I will edit in the title of the book once I can do that without worrying about waking up J in the process!

Night all. Or should I say good morning? There’s something for me to ponder as I go to get some sleep!

I’ve been humming and hawing on whether to post any more ‘candid’ posts on this blog, recently. I’ve been feeling pretty censored because I know who *could be* reading it, and also cause I don’t want to worry the people that I DO know reading it (hi Mum and Dad!). At the end of the day though, this blog is entitled “A Little Space for Me” for a reason, so here we go.

The past few weeks have been a bit of a blur. I’ve not really been doing much, I feel lethargic and apathetic to such a degree that I just don’t want to have to get out of bed in the morning. I feel so tired right now. Not physically so much, but just tired with everything.

I’m tired of feeling useless. Like everything would probably operate fine around here without me.

I’m tired of the place being a mess because I just can’t bring myself to face the piles of laundry that need done. Or the dishwasher that needs emptied. Not to mention the boxes that are still not sorted through since we moved in, oh… almost two years ago?

I’m tired of being the size I am, of feeling huge and embarassed. Of seeing those looks from people if I dare be seen eating in public - god forbid at Burger King no less. What sort of mother must I be to allow my children to eat such food? It’s all in the parenting you know.

I’m tired of just wishing the day away so I can go back to bed, of just not knowing what to do with myself, or the boys, to pass the time.

I just want a break. I don’t particularly deserve one. I don’t really need one either. I’m just being selfish and wanting some time in my house without everyone else here, without having that guilt of “I should be doing the <insert household chore here>”.

It’s only 12.41pm and I’m tired and want to go back to bed so I can just pretend none of it exists.