I’ve been humming and hawing on whether to post any more ‘candid’ posts on this blog, recently. I’ve been feeling pretty censored because I know who *could be* reading it, and also cause I don’t want to worry the people that I DO know reading it (hi Mum and Dad!). At the end of the day though, this blog is entitled “A Little Space for Me” for a reason, so here we go.
The past few weeks have been a bit of a blur. I’ve not really been doing much, I feel lethargic and apathetic to such a degree that I just don’t want to have to get out of bed in the morning. I feel so tired right now. Not physically so much, but just tired with everything.
I’m tired of feeling useless. Like everything would probably operate fine around here without me.
I’m tired of the place being a mess because I just can’t bring myself to face the piles of laundry that need done. Or the dishwasher that needs emptied. Not to mention the boxes that are still not sorted through since we moved in, oh… almost two years ago?
I’m tired of being the size I am, of feeling huge and embarassed. Of seeing those looks from people if I dare be seen eating in public - god forbid at Burger King no less. What sort of mother must I be to allow my children to eat such food? It’s all in the parenting you know.
I’m tired of just wishing the day away so I can go back to bed, of just not knowing what to do with myself, or the boys, to pass the time.
I just want a break. I don’t particularly deserve one. I don’t really need one either. I’m just being selfish and wanting some time in my house without everyone else here, without having that guilt of “I should be doing the <insert household chore here>”.
It’s only 12.41pm and I’m tired and want to go back to bed so I can just pretend none of it exists.
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Oh sweety.. Hugs to you. xxx
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More hugs from me. Come move near me, we can child swap then and both get some alone time.
Veronicas last blog post..Dear Neighbours…
(((HUGS))) why do you need an excuse for some me-time. Just because you need it, is reason enough
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big hugs..
thinking of you..
hope things get together soon for you..
Tazs last blog post..How Cute..
Oh hun, I’m so sorry. I can relate in more ways than you know. Good for you for getting this off of your chest.
We ALL need and deserve a break from time to time. Not only from day-to-day life, but from our own thoughts.
You are a wonderful mom.
*hugs* to you.
Sandy (Momisodes)s last blog post..Let’s Get It On…FAB!!!
Marylin, you know you’re one of my very best bloggy friends and thus you’re not allowed to feel that sad! I have a lot of the same depression pressure points that you are talking about here and it is tough. I can’t let myself get behind on laundry or dishes, even by one day or I fall pretty really depressed and that’s hard to lift for me, harder than lifting a laundry basket or putting soap in the dishwasher!
Oh hey, I also dislike leaving things out of my blog because of who might be reading–super annoying. If you’d like to have someone to bounce pity off, I’m always here!
I say it’s time to send the kids and hubby off to the grandparents or one fo the other relative’s homes for a couple or three days.
You need long baths, long naps and a fe wlaughs with some friends.
To hell with the people who give you looks about feeding your kids or yourself fast food.
It’s not like they’re eating burgers three meals a day.
Much bloglove,
Frances
Francess last blog post..two very different strangers…
oh Marilyn, I feel like that sometimes, exactly the same. It comes and goes in phases. I find that when I am in a phase where I can be bothered, its best to get as much done as possible. I always feel as though I should be doing everything all the time. My partner Nathan put it bluntly to me one day, ‘If you don’t feel like doing anything, don’t do it. Unless it is an emergency.’ Most things can wait a few days. I remember you went through a stage awhile back where you cleaned the house in sections then posted the photos. (That was you, wasn’t it?)
I go through stages, sometimes weeks where I keep on top of things, the house, the bills, my social and work life, then suddenly it is all on top of me again.
No matter what you feel like, no one expects you to be perfect all the time. You may feel like people are thinking things about you that they aren’t. My best way to lose weight and feel healthy is to start habits that become routine, there was one time where I went to the gym 3 days a week and swimming one and I also walked my dog. I really don’t know how I did it.
These days there is no time for exercise. I’m sure if you work out a few fool proof ways to get into good habits you will feel a lot better about yourself. (I don’t mean your body, I mean your mind as well.) You need to do things you love and work out how to incorporate your family into these things.
My favourite thing is to swim. When I have children (apart from my part-time son lol) I will take them swimming too or get a pool at home. The only person who should worry about you is you, don’t worry what others think, if you know you are a beautiful person on the inside it usually shows on the outside.
Everyone needs a break sometimes, if not for the rest, but to break the monotony. (((BIG HUGS)))
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I am SO with you! Come over and we can got get an expensive iced coffee and a chat while we ignore our respective houses.
As flippant as it may sound, just look after yourself and the boys, and the rest will follow.
Take care.
Hugs.
Biggest of hugs.
You know, I can relate to this, you know because you’ve supported me through some really dark days.
I know you feel worthless and helpless right now and it doesn’t matter what anyone says, we can’t change that for you.
But we can listen.
We can support and love you.
I think you should keep writing it down. Let them see inside your soul, it might help them to understand.
I think you are amazing.
tiffs last blog post..…and the mother said to the pharmacist…
Oh love, I so know how you feel. You could have written that for me. You are doing an amazing job for both of your boys and do you know what? You do deserve some time off. Don’t ever forget that even if you don’t feel like you’re doing much you are still the primary carer and most responsible for your boys - that in itself is bloody hard work. You NEED time to yourself. Being a mummy is hard work. Be kind to yourself.
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Oh my… I think most moms — most WOMEN — feel like this sometimes.
I know that’s a platitude, but…
It’s TRUE.
Rebecca
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