I’ve been humming and hawing on whether to post any more ‘candid’ posts on this blog, recently. I’ve been feeling pretty censored because I know who *could be* reading it, and also cause I don’t want to worry the people that I DO know reading it (hi Mum and Dad!). At the end of the day though, this blog is entitled “A Little Space for Me” for a reason, so here we go.

The past few weeks have been a bit of a blur. I’ve not really been doing much, I feel lethargic and apathetic to such a degree that I just don’t want to have to get out of bed in the morning. I feel so tired right now. Not physically so much, but just tired with everything.

I’m tired of feeling useless. Like everything would probably operate fine around here without me.

I’m tired of the place being a mess because I just can’t bring myself to face the piles of laundry that need done. Or the dishwasher that needs emptied. Not to mention the boxes that are still not sorted through since we moved in, oh… almost two years ago?

I’m tired of being the size I am, of feeling huge and embarassed. Of seeing those looks from people if I dare be seen eating in public - god forbid at Burger King no less. What sort of mother must I be to allow my children to eat such food? It’s all in the parenting you know.

I’m tired of just wishing the day away so I can go back to bed, of just not knowing what to do with myself, or the boys, to pass the time.

I just want a break. I don’t particularly deserve one. I don’t really need one either. I’m just being selfish and wanting some time in my house without everyone else here, without having that guilt of “I should be doing the <insert household chore here>”.

It’s only 12.41pm and I’m tired and want to go back to bed so I can just pretend none of it exists.