This was a tough one for me because, at the moment, I’m SO embarrassed/upset at how I look. I don’t really feel like myself these days, so how am I supposed to take a picture of my ’self’ when it doesn’t really feel like me, y’know?

So here’s a picture of me being ‘myself’, and of course one of my boys is here with me, and it’s photoshopped… but it’s still me!

Congratulations
are in order - Carly’s here!
Happy mum and bub

Oh now I’m broody
yet again. I can’t wait to
see some pics of her!

…when you’re broody as hell.

First of all, just so you (my parents) don’t get all worked up (sorry but it’s true! ) I am NOT pregnant and I am NOT INTENDING to get pregnant in ANY way, shape or form. I PROMISE.  So you really, REALLY don’t need to tell me that it’s a bad idea - I already KNOW that!

Ok, disclaimer out of the way.

So, let’s start with a list of the bloggers I know of who are preggers at the moment (lucky b!tchs!!!)…

There’s Laura from Oraeley who’s due date is today - come on Carly, make everyone jealous of your mummy by coming out ON TIME!!!!!

Then there’s the OTHER Laura, from Synchronization of Us, you’ll get your sexing scan soon sweety ((hugs)).

Fern from Not Nigella is also up the duff (don’t you just love that phrase? ).

Then there’s Taz, Veronica, and now RACHAEL from Antithete has decided to join the cool kids and has announced her pregnancy too.

Now, come ON girls! This is just! not! fair!

I already have a real LIVE new baby up the stairs from me (and ohhhhh she is SOOOO CUUUUUUTE!!!), so I really DON’T NEED THIS NOW!!

I must NOT be broody.  Do you know WHY? Cause I can’t handle the pregnancies.  I am one of those people who actually enjoys the giving birth (not when I’m in it, obviously), and isn’t too fussed about the after-effects, new baby etc… I can deal with all that. What I can’t deal with is even the thought of going through the pain I had during my pg with Max again. SPD is EVIL to me. I *should* have been on crutches for the last couple of months of Max’s pregnancy, but I decided what was the point since I couldn’t really GO anywhere anyway. I was housebound, with a toddler, in extreme pain, and I couldn’t move without crying. Really, it was THAT sore.

I don’t EVER want to go through that pain again, so much so that I will settle with having my two boys, who I love to pieces and am SO lucky to have. I just wish there was a way to pass my uber fertility to someone else who would WILL make a great daddy one day.

So, no more kids for me, even though I would love to have them, I just couldn’t do that again. It wouldn’t be fair on J, on the boys, or on my body. It does hurt a little though, to know that I won’t be having any more. Especially when I see so many all around these days…

Mind you, they do say… “never say never”… don’t they?

Ok maybe a little… it may be after midnight, but I’m still awake, so technically that means I can publish this post just a little early so I *technically* haven’t missed a day

J went back to the doc’s this morning and has been signed off for another 4 weeks. I mentioned when he got back that we should probably try to work out some sort of routine if he’s gonna be at home for that much longer - his response? “I’ll sort something out.” I don’t really know what he meant by that, but never mind… he’s been pretty good today, other than his new pc having some teething problems there’s not been anything to shout about, thank god!

I have been feeling more down the past few days though. I guess I’d pinned my hopes on everything going back to normal and it’s looking like that won’t be happening for quite some time. I have to remind myself that I’m on anti-depressants for a reason (yes I have been remembering to take them), and not to take on too much myself. I need someone to chat to and at the moment I don’t really feel like I can do that with J just incase I upset him. We barely seem to chat as it is unless there’s someone else with us, which is definitely odd since we’ve been spending MORE time with each other in the past few months than, well, probably than ever before!

Anyhoo, that’s an update for us today. Mum got out of hospital yesterday and is still a bit sore but managing, and much happier in her own bed at night!

Till tomorrow everyone!

*hugs*

… and it’s set to private for now. I need somewhere I can completely be myself - including rants about family, so I’ve got it set to private and it’s only for a few friends to read. If you want to be ‘invited’ to be able read it then let me know in the comments of this post and I’ll let you know

I hope you understand why - I just need somewhere that I can let off steam, without having to worry about anyone getting hurt by it. I need somewhere I can rant and bitch uncensored that I can just brain-dump to, and I don’t really feel like I can do that here tbh. Too many “Real Life” people who I know read it now and thus I have to be careful of what I say.

Anyhoo… like I said, let me know if you want to read my rants and I’ll give you the address and figure out how to ‘invite’ you to read it (it’s on Blogger as invite-only).