I get so paranoid about the boys, specifically about Max at night. Whenever he sleeps well (i.e. when I’m not woken by his crying in the morning) I can’t seem to shake the overwhelming urge to check that he’s still breathing. I’m paranoid about cot death.

Realistically I know that he’ll be fine and is most likely past the possibility of leaving us through cot death, but I still worry about it. I did with Zack too, but no where near as much as I do this time around. I’ll have visions of me having to tell people, like the neighbours, my friends, family obviously, and how on earth would I break such a thing to my bloggy friends?

It doesn’t matter how much I try to talk myself out of it, knowing full well that he’ll wake up soon and I’ll wish I could have just slept instead of worrying about him, I just cannot shake the whole idea.

I know I’m not the only one… I’m sure most of us worry about these things don’t we? It scares me to think how easily I could lose one of my little ones through something I couldn’t possibly foresee, something that I couldn’t do anything to prevent.

I should be happy that I am so lucky to have my two boys. Both happy, both healthy and both fun to be with (most of the time!), but instead I find myself worrying about them all too much. There are so many things that could still hurt them, or take them away from me, and it scares me. The thought of my little ones not being here with me, not watching them grow up - or worse, see them grow up to then have them taken away, still too young though…

I guess I just have to keep putting these thoughts to the back of my mind and enjoy the time I have with them, because let’s face it… we never know when our time is up.